The Losing Battle of Weight Loss

And how I healed my relationship with food, mind, and body.

As athletes, our common mindset (though it is getting better) is thin = better. I used to be the person who if I wasn’t running well, it had to be because of my weight. I thought losing weight would equal fast results. This led to years and years of struggle between my body image, my weight, and my confidence. I was continuously in a cycle of restricting and bingeing (I would gain 10 lbs in the off-season!).

I was a perfectionist when it came to food. I constantly thought about food, I analyzed what I ate every meal, and I weighed myself every day. I was a perfectionist - until I had a food that was ‘off-limits’. If I ate one cookie or had a scoop of ice cream, it was a free-for-all binge (to the point of feeling unwell). I fell into the mindset of ‘Well if I’m going to have one cookie, I might as well have as much as I want, and reset tomorrow’. The next day, I’d feel guilty about ‘cheating’ on my diet, start to spiral into self-deprecating thoughts (and even be a little mean to myself), and then be restrictive and resume my (unrealistic) perfection in eating. Until it all happened again. (Note: Even if you are not on a ‘diet’ and eating enough for your activity levels, restricting certain foods can and will lead to a binge). 

All of this led to my worth being tied to my body size. I was emotionally attached to the scale number, which emotionally attached me to food. This emotional attachment to food led to rigidity in my diet, which led to continuous binges (followed by periods of restriction). This was exacerbated by being a professional runner and believing I had to be lean and thin to do my job well. Needless to say, my confidence fluctuated with the scale, I could only think about food, and I judged myself based on my ability to eat a perfect diet. But I'll let you in on a (research-backed) secret- when you go on a binge or feel 'out of control' when it comes to food, it is not about discipline and will. It is a biochemical response that is out of your control when you limit certain foods.

Does losing weight help athletic performance? MAYBE (AND THAT IS A VERY STRONG MAYBE). Does eating to lose weight inhibit athletic performance? Yes, in every instance. Going on a diet, counting calories, and trying to eat less, in EVERY INSTANCE, will lead to compromised workouts, longer recovery time, and a higher likelihood of injury. Not only that, but dieting leads to a poor relationship between food, body, and mind. That, if anything, is the most important concept to realize, because this is a life-long relationship. As athletes, we go through stages of our athletic careers- sometimes competing competitively, sometimes competing recreationally, sometimes switching events. However, we eat every day, and the language that we have with ourselves about food and our bodies is always there. 

What does this mean for the athlete struggling with their relationship between food, mind, and body? Here’s what I did to help heal that relationship and ‘untie’ the string between my worth and body size: 

• Eat when you’re hungry (even if it's not meal time) and stop when you’re full. I aim to eat every 3-4 hours (this doesn’t have to be big meals, they can be small snacks too!)

• Skip the scale. It’s not serving you, it’s an arbitrary number, and it has NO reflection of your worth. 

• Eat what you’re craving! Do not try to find the ‘healthier’ option to what you’re craving- this will lead you to overeating and feeling unsatisfied.  

While you may think eating what you’re craving and eating when you’re hungry is unrealistic (especially if you don’t trust yourself around certain foods), realize that restricting these foods leads to a binge. If you allow yourself to have the foods you’re craving (even if they don’t have high-nutrition value), your mind will acknowledge that you can have these foods when you’d like and not feel the need to eat until you are overly full. I also found that I wasn’t constantly thinking about the foods I wanted because I allowed myself to have what I wanted to eat when I wanted to have it. 

With this switch, realize that it may take time and you may binge at the beginning when you relieve yourself of food restrictions. However, you’re healing your relationship with food, which will heal your relationship with your mind and body. One of the most rewarding aspects of this is spending less time being critical of how I look and thinking about food, and more time being present and pursuing things that excite me with confidence and being at peace. 

Is this a concept you struggle with? Reach out to us! We are happy to help you in both your personal and athletic endeavors. You aren't alone in this.